Jeans
Yesterday I wore the first pair of jeans I’ve worn in over 14 months. I couldn’t bring myself to because of all my body image issues and fears and anxieties. But I finally bought a pair that fit, and wore it with some nice heels and a beautiful shirt.
And you know what? I felt amazing.
I’ve come so far in the last year. It’s hard to admit to myself sometimes, in the midst of sadness and fear and tragedy. But I’ve come so far. And there must be some reason why I’m still here, yes? Yes.
Slowly, slowly, I’m learning to trust. Float on my back in the ocean and let it take me where it will, because I always have the power to fight back and move when I want to.
I’m so thankful for everyone who led me to this place, who held my hand through the darkness, who witnessed me at my darkest points and still loves me today. It is so likely that I wouldn’t still be here today without that.
Life is hard. The truth hurts. I still cry a lot. And I’m still afraid.
But I’m alive.
And God, I am grateful every single day for that.
I. AM. ALIVE.
Your body isn’t perfect?
Well, neither is mine.
Neither is anyone’s.
It’s time to redefine beauty.
To dispel the notion of perfection.
To embrace the idea that we are enough, just as we are.
It’s time to feed ourselves with compassion instead of self-hatred.
To soothe our hearts with acceptance instead of starvation.
To fill ourselves with love instead of food.
It’s time to make a change and see ourselves with new eyes.
It’s time.
I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’.
Yes, many people, probably most people, say that disliking your body is a normal part of being a woman. If by “normal” they mean that the majority of women, 80-90%, dislike their bodies, then yes, it is “normal.” The vast majority of women in this culture at this time do dislike their bodies.
But to think that this is normal as in natural, as in necessary, as in a normal function of being alive, is ridiculous. This belief is part of the problem. Since it is so ubiquitous, many women have come to accept that it is just part of being a woman. This is ludicrous! It is settling for what happens to be the situation for many, instead of envisioning the possibilities that are available for all. It is accepting mediocrity instead of creating grandeur. It is maintaining the status quo instead of envisioning the truth.
I still struggle with this a lot. I still hate my body sometimes a lot of the time. But I know it’s true, deep down. And I hope one day I can accept that truth.
