I am excessively and probably unnecessarily nervous for the semester to start tomorrow. I’m really not sure why.
I mean, I know this semester will be hard. Biochemistry, Biochem Lab, Aquatic Chemistry. Lots of Chemistry. And Marine Fisheries and online Cultural Psych, which should be less intensive. I’m still working at the library, will probably get a start on my senior thesis work, and will try to keep volunteering with the stranding team.
But I’ve handled heavy workloads in the past. Second semester sophomore year, 3 hard labs (oceanography, ochem, animal physiology) plus 4 classes, plus work.
So the work seems intimidating, yes, but I have no reason to believe I won’t be able to handle that workload.
But I’m anxious. And the thing that sucks about anxiety is that sometimes it is totally irrational and hard to understand.
I’ve gotten much better about managing my anxiety issues, but sometimes they just skyrocket out of control and I can’t calm myself down. I’m not quite to that point yet, but I am overwhelmed right now. And I’d love to call my dad to talk it out, but he’s in the wilderness at the moment. Also, don’t really want to deal with stepmom who would be there.
Here’s to hoping I can sleep tonight despite all the anxiety. And to hoping that my long day tomorrow (will be at school from 08:30ish to probably 19:00) goes well and helps to alleviate, rather than increase, my anxiety.
Fuck anxiety, though, man. Fuck anxiety.
Here’s your ticket. Stick to it, Harry, it is very important. Stick to it.
- me: *owns 264 unread books*
- me: *buys 17 new books*
- me: *rereads harry potter*
Today I met John Green (fishingboatproceeds) IRL for the first time. We’ve been friends for seven years, and we were business partners for four years. But with my social anxiety I haven’t made it to VidCon or LeakyCon. And with DFTBA Records being run online we never had to be in the same office together (as a side note, Hank and I met for the first time just a year ago).
But today John came over to my house for lunch (pizza, of course) and to hang out for a bit of the afternoon. We mostly sat talking about the state of online video, our favorite tv shows, the first records we ever bought, the upcoming Paper Towns movie, my upcoming album, John’s passion for soccer, my passion for old CDs, our mutual love of HGTV…
It was really nice. =)
We need more voices in science
to step up in defiance for those characters
that get erased from our stories; accolades and glories granted to counterparts
as though we didn’t have the smarts to achieve
the impossible, believe in the improbable
and create the unthinkable.
It’s unthinkable to me that our hindsight is so blinded.
Turning the cheek too many times makes me think you’re shaking your head:
no, no, no.
"Hey - you look good in that dress today."
Pay no mind to the mess that comment made
of my self-confidence. It seems pretty obvious
the words they think are innocuous are noxious,
breeding doubt and insecurity, feeding bouts of fury in me
as I hear the same phrases repeated to the women in my classes,
our lab mates and the masses of budding genius minds
that yearn to focus on their hypotheses and methods
but instead they’re distracted by those words left unretracted:
"you look good in that dress today."
If you tell her that she’s pretty before you tell her that she’s smart,
don’t be startled when she starts to parcel out and pull apart
her individuality. Trading physics books for glossy magazines.
Instead of figuring fifty ways to solve differentials she’s counting up
fifty ways to potentially please her partner,
wondering - is this what is appealing? this feeling of cheapening my intelligence
because we’re terrified to be marginalized for tying to have it all,
all the while face burning, yearning tears not to drip drop while your stomach flip flops
at being called out for a love of learning.
Just between us, from one woman to another
it’ll take a while to recover while we wonder without ignorance
why there are so many instances of being told to be a mother
before we’re told to be discoverers.
And I hope in twenty years or maybe less
we’ll be blessed with plenty of reassurances that our work
is recognized for its significance, and the difference is
we’ll be standing up for our accomplishments - not alone but with accomplices within our fields.
And it won’t be such a novelty to be so proudly standing up for our beliefs
and our discoveries.
We need more voices in science, and not those that just say, hey-
You look good in that dress today.
a nail polish that can detect date rape drugs is making its rounds in the news today - “an amazing new way to stop rape!”
….slow down there sonny, let’s not get distracted from the real issues here
I just really wanna be Katherine when I grow up
ETHAN CRAFT AND MATT FROM LIZZIE MCGUIRE
HOLY SHIT they both became so good looking
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 2x09 - “Cased Up” (November 11, 1991)
Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.
What the fuck textbooks
You’re made of paper and ink
Not fucking diamonds.
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